My Life
by ToboeUzumaki
Summary: Remus tries to end his life, feeling it would be better for Sirius. He is constantly doubting himself, feeling Sirius would be better off without someone like him, a monster. RemusXSirius short story


**Really related to this while writing. I can imagine Remus feeling what I was feeling. Most of this was venting but I'm glad it came out good. I'm quite proud of it. Please do enjoy and Review.**

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"Don't do this again! Understand me?" Sirius shouted, clutching the collar of a smaller boy. He was hoisted in the air and pinned against the wall, brown eyes wide with fear.

"Please." The boy whispered desperately. "Just let me go ." Tears were threatening to spill out of his once soft eyes. Sirius gritted his teeth and released his grip, sending the boy crashing to the floor. He curled himself up in the corner, trembling violently. Sirius narrowed his eyes and sighed heavily, kneeling by the small boy.

"Why?" He whispered painfully. "Why would you do that to me?" His voice had risen again, anger and pain flashing across his features. "Do you honestly know how selfish that is? Were you even thinking about me?" He reached out and gripped the boys arm, bandages were woven around it tightly. The boy let out a small cry as Sirius tightened his grip.

"Look at this!" Blood slowly began seeping out of the bandages. "You were so damn close Remus! So damn close!" The boy called Remus looked away from him, shielding his eyes with his bangs as Sirius continued. "Do you have any idea what I would do without you? I would be lost without you!"

"You don't understand!" Remus yanked his arm away and glared at the long haired Gryffindor. "You have no idea what its like for me! To be like this, a monster!" Tears finally spilled out of his eyes, rolling slowly down his scarred cheeks. "No one should live like this! No one!" His voice hitched in his throat as a small sob escaped him. "I thought it would be better! You would be better off without me dragging you down!"

Shock spread across Sirius' face as he watch his love crumble before him. "I'm such a mess! Such a weak, vile, insignificant thing compared to you! There are hundreds, even thousands of people who would be better than me!" Remus' lips quivered as he continued, anger brimming in his tear filled eyes. "That's why I did it! I wanted to end it! I wanted to set you free!" The young werewolf gripped his shaking shoulders, he could no longer speak. All that came out of his lips were small, painful cries.

Sirius forcefully grabbed Remus, pulling him into his chest before embracing him tightly. "How could you say such a thing?" He whispered, unconsciously knowing that tears were glistening down his cheeks. "You've been hurting this much, you've been struggling this hard and you didn't even tell me. How could you even think about being a burden?" He pulled away and cupped Remus' face in his hands gently, forcing him to look at him.

"No one on this earth can compare to you, no one." He gently brushed the tears away with his thumb, never taking his eyes off of him. "I wouldn't be able to live with myself if you were gone. I don't even think I would have the courage to end my own life. But you, deciding to end your life because you doubt my love is unacceptable." Remus bit his lip, trying to look away from Sirius' painful gaze.

"Please." Sirius said softly. "Never do that again." He gently brushed his fingers across the scars on Remus' cheeks. "You have enough scars and pain already, no need to add more." Remus buried his face in Sirius' chest, gripping his shirt for dear life as he trembled.

"It's so hard." He cried. "So hard living like this! I wish I didn't have this…this curse! I just want you to be happy. I don't want to doubt myself whenever I'm with you. I don't want to look at other people and think they could be better than me. I don't want to wake up every night in your arms from some nightmare. I just want to live a normal, happy life with you. Without any doubt!" He wailed. Sirius' eyes widened in shock, he gently placed his hands on his shaking shoulders.

"Oh Remus." He whispered painfully. "My poor…poor Remus. I can't stand seeing you like this." He embraced him once more, resting his forehead on top of his head. "Please." He begged. "Please believe me when I say I love you, and that I would rather die then not be with you. Please know that I would do anything for you, anything at all. Just please…please don't ever try to cut yourself out of my life be ending yours. Because you will end mine as well."

Remus nodded slowly, gripping Sirius' shirt tighter as he shook even more. He ignored the pain he felt under his bandaged arms, he ignored the blood that began to seep through the bandages, and he ignored the fact that Sirius was too crying as well.

They stayed like this for a long time, holding and crying on one another. After several moments Remus pulled away, looking up at Sirius with blood shot eyes.

"Sirius." He whispered, tears still glistening in his eyes. "I'm so, so sorry. Please punish me, anything to atone for what I did." Sirius stared at Remus in shock.

"Punish?" He asked. "You want me to punish you?"

Remus nodded slowly. "It's only fair."

Sirius narrowed his eyes. "Fine, I'll punish you. Close your eyes." Remus complied, shutting his eyes tightly. His body tensed, preparing itself for whatever punishment Sirius had for him. But instead of being hit like Remus was expecting, he felt a hand gently brush the bangs from his face. Remus was just about to open his eyes when he felt soft lips pressing up against his own.

The kiss was soft, tender, and gentle. It was Sirius' kiss. Always cautious, afraid that the slightest force could brake his fragile Remus.

Slowly Sirius pulled away, breathing the words across Remus' lips. "Open your eyes." Remus complied and opened them slowly.

"Why?" He asked. "Why did you do that? That wasn't a punishment." Sirius smiled gently, stroking his cheek softly.

"How can I punish you?" He kissed him again, more passionately. Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius' neck, tears spilling out of his eyes as they continued to kiss.

"I will always love you." Sirius whispered against Remus' lips. "Always and forever. Never forget that."

Remus nodded and kissed Sirius gently.

"I won't." He whispered. " I will never forget that. I love you too Sirius, and I promise I won't do this again." Sirius smiled.

"I'm glad." He kissed his forehead softly, pulling Remus into his arms. "You are my life Remus, end yours and you end mine as well."

Remus nodded and closed his eyes, feeling content in Sirius' arms.

"As long as your with me" Sirius whispered. "I promise that nothing will ever hurt you. I will protect you for the rest of my life Remus."


End file.
